is it the right time to change?

for this past few month i always dream about the good and bad thing. i dont know exactly what it is. my heart was beating so fast when i was think about that. it make me think twice before i do something. ist a good sign or bad sign? yess is true. i was waitng for changing. i need to change for my self because of i want to not because of following others. this is about me. about MY self. people will judge u based on your physically without brain. so for turn in to that what i have to do is i have to wash my heart deeply clean before i turn it into the real muslim. so people will see your heart before u got the critism from them. ya Allah i need the change for my life style and evrything. is good to be a good person for your self not for others. im waiting the time. im waiting. i dont know why for past few month i mean 1-2month i was think like yaAllah i was very thankful for born as a Muslim. i realize its very thankful. and how stupid am i not appriciate the moment as muslim since i was born. is not like im outa of my mind is just like im not realy done my part as a muslim. i dont know i feel likes peaceful when i saw the muslimah wearing a hijab .and never show of their self to the other guys is like how clean are them. why im not like that? why? i feel disappointed with self. with my heart. with my attitude. evrything. why :(
ya Allah if this is the sign that u are show up to me. i take it positively. and change.
for me being a muslim i have to change my heart first, deeply have to clean the heart before u hide your self behind the Hijab. im ready for change my heart.
 the transformation for your self is very important for you to guide you in future.